Diletto
by Meireis
Summary: Fear always kept Luize from doing the only thing she ever wanted– confessing her love.


It was no abnormal summer day in Gensokyo. Birds whistled, insects buzzed, wind made trees rustle and the bright sun washed down on the entire land. In the nice shade of a cave, Luize rested her head on the shoulder of her closest friend. Sara stared out the opening of the cave, a gentle smile on her face as she watched the swaying scenery. Luize's eyes stayed closed, a few strands of light blonde hair were swept into her face by a breeze. Giggling, Sara swept the strands behind Luize's ear, who opened her eyes and looked to Sara.

"Just getting your hair out of your face."

Luize smiled, a barely visible blush across her cheeks. "Thank you."

It was a normal day for the two of them, having nothing too important to do. Sara was the guardian of Makai's entrance, but nowadays, there was no one around to protect it from. Luize was to escort people who visited around, taking records of every vistor and making sure they don't get lost, while warding off the miasma that made any non-natives ill. But with no visitors, no business. So they spent their days by each other's side, watching the world move slowly around them. Doing nothing more than enjoying each other's company. People have said before that they act like a couple.

Yet they are just friends, only friends. And this pained Luize.

She couldn't count how many years it had been since she began loving Sara. Ever since they were children. Even if it seemed odd as they were both created by Shinki, and would call her mother, they weren't blood related. There would be no problem with it, which Luize was relieved about.

Thinking about it flooded her mind with memories of those times. Makai was very early in the making at this time. They watched Shinki create all sorts of terrain and materials, all made into plains or mountains by nothing more than her hand, both gasping in amazement as they babbled about how incredible "mommy Shinki" was, who smiled and would ruffle the girls' hair. Memories when they were a bit older of Sara grabbing Luize's hand and running around Makai with her, doing whatever their imagination allowed them. Sara would point to Makai's current gatekeepers, a pair linked by a form of a yin-yang, and excitedly shout "I'm gonna be like one of them when I'm older!"

Then even older, looking how they did now. Both waiting nervously outside the room when Shinki yelled and cried in pain, Yumeko shouting "just a little longer! Keep pushing!" and alike. And soon after entering to see a small child cradled in Shinki's arms. The princess and eventually-will-be ruler of Makai, Alice. For weeks after that, Shinki still found herself getting easily tired and accidentally falling asleep because of her pregnancy. With Shinki busy or tired, and Yumeko hard at work, the two were left to babysit. Luize could remember sitting on a bedside, holding Alice in her arms as Sara pointlessly babbled to get a giggle out of the child. Even when so young, Alice remained silent and monotone, yet Sara always managed to point a smile on her face- She did that to everyone, actually.

Luize couldn't stop a happy grin from spreading onto her face as she recalled all this. She realized she had snaked her arm to wrap around Sara's while she daydreamed down memory lane, yet Sara had no reaction and continued smiling in the direction of the caves opening. Luize let out a sigh of relief, but the relief didn't last long, as with good memories came the bad.

The first of Shinki's creations was an androgynous (although, they choose to refer to 'it' as male) angel named Sariel. She raised him like any other, from baby to adult. When he was a child, she had created Yumeko, only a toddler at the time. By the time Luize was created, Sariel and Yumeko were adults, while she was only a small child around 6 or 7. Sariel acted as Shinki's assistant, which meant helping to take care of the children. Everyone else was fine with him, yet only Luize seemed to realize how...odd he was. He acted rather normally, but he was what was odd, not his behavior. He had a gentle smile, so gentle it was eerie, and anyone more observant than others would see the malicious person behind it. His eyes were a calm, light blue, anyone who looked into them could be frozen and unable to look away, and then they would notice just how disturbing he was under an angelic demeanor. He always acted much more flowery around her, too. Yet, she couldn't think of why.

Of course, that was until years later, as he grew evil and vicious towards Shinki. He wanted this land to himself, he felt he was more fitting for the role of Makai's than Shinki. Why would a woman, so loving and caring, ever rule over a hellish world like Makai? He'd make it match up with its looks. Have the hellish land serve as an actual hell, and not some docile land filled with peace despite its harsh looks. Of course, Shinki caught on to it, always so attentive. And although she was filled with sorrow to this to one of her creations, she sealed him away far off where only she could find him. Shingyoku was assigned to sever and guard an area in front of his shrine, now battered and destroyed, to assure he is never freed.

How did this bring Luize sorrow? It wasn't that she missed him, she was glad that devil of a creature is far off where she'll never have to see his fake face again. When Shinki began to notice Sariel's ways, he too grew aware of what she would do. He knew that while powerful himself, he wasn't powerful enough to stop Shinki. As a grudge, he left part of himself in Luize, as she called it. Not a physical part of his body implanted into hers, something else, yet indescribable and undetectable until _it_ happens. He must suffer boredom being locked away in solitude, and that's where Luize came in.

It would usually happen at random, her hair and eyes would a turn dark blue to resemble his own palette, a ghostly aura that almost shaped wings could be barely seen behind her. And she became an uncontrablle beast, murdering and torturing whatever was in front of her. However, this wasn't her- It was all Sariel, every movement, every word, every glare- all him. He did this to torture her, to make people fear her, to dislike her. To make others label her "monster" and "psychopath". To watch her become miserable, and in turn, make Shinki miserable as well, as any of her children's misfortune would.

And that is why Luize lived in constant fear. Fear so bad that it stopped her from doing what she wanted most-

Confessing her love.

Sara never failed to make her happy. Whether it be pure affection, her adorable naiveness, her admiral loyalty, or just her bubbly personality making happiness seem contagious. All only Luize seemed to take notice of, in fact, she noted everything- Every curve of her assets and stiff muscles, how her bobbed hair bounced with every step she took, every minor twitch or gesture her hands idly made, and she loved all of it. Often times, she couldnt take her eyes off Sara. She would unknowingly stare into the distance, expecting Luize to be doing the same, only to be unaware that the demon's gaze was focused on her. Even now, they sat in silence doing only that.

"It's really pretty out today, isn't it?"

"Yes...truely beautiful." Luize muttered, not talking about the scenery, her smile progressively leaving her face.

These good memories, and that they now spent their time in the warmth of each other's presence, all brought her such happiness. But thinking about the monster, Sariel, felt like a thousand weights being dropped onto her. She felt her chest get heavy, and the edges of her eyes burned. "Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry" went on in repeat in her head. Then another voice went off in her head, one all too familiar...

_What if you were to hurt her?_

"No..."

_She' would never forgive you._

"She would."

_She would think you're a monster, just like everyone else. Like even those now 6 feet under by your hand._

"She would never, stop this."

_And to think, you would not be able to stop yourself. You would be tearing her flesh apart..._

"No...Stop."

_Stripping the muscle from the heart you very much wish you had a place in..._

"Stop...please stop."

_It' would all be by my hands... but it would still be your body that will be gutting her, while what little of your mind that is not in my grasp shouts at me to stop._

"No...please...no..."

_My only joy is to see you and those close to you suffer, Luize. When will you accept that?_

"I wont!"

_Perhaps one day, what you love most will be gone, forever out of your grasp, leaving you wishing..._

"Stop."

_That you had said..._

"Stop this."

_What you had longed to say before she was forever gone._

"Stop this, Sariel!"

_And despite my existence, it always be known as __**your fault.**_

Sara heard small sniffles coming from beside her, and looked down to see Luize with her hands on her face, allowing tears to drip off the side of them.

"Luize?"

Luize moved her hand to reveal a now red and swollen eye, looking at Sara with an undefinable emotion behind them.

"Luize, what's wrong?"

"S-Sara, I..." She couldn't speak due to breaking down into a sob, not that she actually knew what to say.

"Please calm down." Sara gave a look of concern as she wrapped her arms around Luize, hoping to at least help her relax a little.

Luize did anything but calm down, however. Her face grew hot and even redder, and in a flustered panic, despite being physically calm, tried to think of what to do. Not wanting to think about it anymore, she gripped Sara's clothes tightly and pressed her head against her chest, tears staining into the scarlet fabric. She wanted to seize the moment, feeling Sara's arms wrap around her and the warmth of their shared body heat. She felt Sara's hand running through her hair, and only started choking on her tears again.

"Luize..." Luize looked up to meet Sara's eyes, and Sara gave a small smile. "What's wrong? You can tell me."

"I'm..." Luize swallowed, struggling to find her voice. "Scared."

"Scared? Scared of what?"

"Of...O-of..." Luize squeezed her eyes shut, hoping to stop the stream of salty tears. "I'm scared of hurting you!"

Sara blinked a few times and let her hand drop from Luize's hair, not sure what to think. "What? Why would you ever hurt me?"

"B-because...the other me..._him._"

Hearing "him", Sara knew exactly what she meant. "Oh..."

"I'm so worried...W-what if it happens and I can't hold it back or snap out of it? I'd hurt you, even kill you! I'm scared...I d-don't want to hurt you..."

"Luize." Sara said, stopping her hand on Luize's head and pressing her head back against her chest. "I'm sure it won't ever happen. If it hasn't happened all these years, why would it happen now?"

Luize knew what Sariel was doing. He may never make her do that after all, he's probably bluffing. Knowing that everyday she'll be mentally tortured wondering "will he?" as he watches in amusement. He wanted to watch her break, shatter, and fall slave to his words. He also wanted Shinki to never forget what she created, and what she tried to destroy.

"B-but...Oh god...I'd never forgive myself..."

"Luize..."

"Y-you'd hate me, right? How couldn't you? After I'd do such evil things to you...Even if it's him and not me, I-I wouldn't be able to stop myself and I'd let him hurt you! I can't protect you...I can't do anything..."

"I'd never hate you." Sara leaned forward so her forehead was pressed against Luize's head, and her hand stroked the blonde locks that flowed down from it. "No matter what happens, I'll always be with you."

Luize looked up to see that smile she loved, and though her face was still frozen in sadness, she managed somewhat of a smile, pulling Sara into a hug so hard they almost tipped over. "Thank you..." She muttered through cries. "Thank you...Sara..."

"Don't thank me. You're important to me, so I'll be there for you!" Luize was jealous that she could say that so easily, when she struggled to even say the word "love".

"...Sara."

"Hm?"

"T-that's not the only thing upsetting me..."

"Huh?" Sara looked worried. "What else is wrong? What is it?!"

Luize gulped. "...I...I..."

"I love you! Sara!"

"You...you love me?" Sara gasped.

"Yes...I always have, ever since we were kids..."

"That long ago...And you didn't tell me?"

"I'm sorry...I was so scared...I didn't want to...I don't know." Luize adverted her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize!" Sara smiled, using her other hand to hold Luize's, much to the girl's surprise. "I know it must have been hard, but...I'm glad you told me."

"Really?"

"Yeah, and now that I look at it. It's been pretty obvious all these years, yet I never noticed." Sara chuckled. "Now I'm sorry."

"You shouldn't be saying sorry either." Luize managed to give a small laugh. "You've always been kind of oblivious to things."

"Really?"

"Yeah." Luize giggled, having stopped crying. "It's cute."

"Cute..." Sara blushed a little, laughing. "Aw, that's not good. I'm supposed to be tough, not cute."

"You can look tough and still be cute."

"...T-this means we're together now, right?"

"As lovers?"

"Yeah..." An embarrassed blush spread across Sara's face, Luize couldn't help but giggle at it.

"Of course." The two had returned to their original position against the cave wall, sitting beside each other while Luize's head rested on Sara's shoulder. Several minutes passed before she spoke again. "...I'm so happy."

"Me too."

Their hands met and they intertwined fingers, and suddenly, Luize wasn't so worried anymore.


End file.
